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[May the 29th] |
There's a reason certain people's roses look fucking anaemic, and that reason is because they're just not using the right sort of fertilizer. Right sort of fertilizer? I hear the layperson ask. Yes, layperson, the right sort of fertilizer -- it's not just a matter of packing shit around your rosebush roots. If you're a lazy arse of a gardener and would rather buy fertilizer, stop wasting your time and go do it. If you're a gardener with delicate sensibilities like certain people that I have come into contact with time & time again (see, Widow Malfoy, I don't always call you out by name), well, suck it up, because bringing life out of black dirt = getting your hands filthy in said black dirt.
Shit: the starting point, aye. Best stuff is the compost your earthworms make (aside: good soil yields 5+ earthworms per shovel). Make yourself a pit of earthworm compost and dump in all the scraps from your kitchen to make that mix nice and nutritious. Also, if you have RABBITS (and I don't know why anyone wouldn't), you'll be thrilled to know that they make some of the best gardening-friendly faeces around. They're these tiny odorless capsules of fertilizing oomph -- bag them up and add them to the pit. The earthworms love the shit and will eat it up. And thus the cycle continues.
Seaweed: bag some next time you go to the beach. Then let the stash sit in a closed container of water. It'll go brown, and in a couple months, you'll have a concentrated juice that, once diluted with some water, your plants with thank you for.
Eggshells: essential for the calcium content. Crush them, powder them, pat them around your plants. (Aside: also helpful if you have a snail problem. Don't powder them; just scatter the shells around to create a barrier that the snails, with their soft undersides, just won't want to cross.)
Coffee grounds: oh yes. If they're wet, don't scatter them too thickly (mould). They work best if dried slightly in the oven, then used as a nutritious mulch. Roses especially love them.
And finally: BULLSHIT. Of the sort we've been fed for years by our ruling body. So thick & putrid I'm surprised the whole population hasn't started sprouting gardens out from the top of their heads for all they lay it on us.
[Frank]Goddamnit Francis, where are you?
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| 001. |
[May the 18th] |
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Gideon Prewett, I've half a mind to rearrange your face so that your new bunged up features complement my nephew's.
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